I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
