how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
