I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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