I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
