Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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