Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
