i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
