She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
