I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
