What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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