He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
