somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
