My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i believe in u and ur pee
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
