I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
