think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
