i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
