Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
