D3 body, D1 cock
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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