Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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