New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
