my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
