We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
