Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize