Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Buhtt sex?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
