glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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