did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
