ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I intend to get homeless drunk
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Randomize
