He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
be right there i have to get my cape
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
