I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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