She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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