are you still at the devil's house?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
