I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
