She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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