Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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