you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
