I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
