yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
