In America we eat man semen.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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