my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
