if you like me you must not know who I am
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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