my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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