summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
