his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
