I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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