lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If I die, sorry about rent.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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