It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
