Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
