lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
