New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
