so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
