that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Found your dick twin last night
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
