I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
