Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
