tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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