She went from zero to smokin in five shots
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
