i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
