we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
