Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
