garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize