Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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