remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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